Deja Flippin’ Vu

Sweet Mother of Scorelines

This is my favourite kind of morning after. Trumps any other by a mile. The hangover infused eggs and mushrooms after an epic night out or a successful conquest of a particular nature (cough) can take a back seat. It’s a combo of 5 past Spurs, a come back from being a goal down, an Adebayor sent off, a goal due to Gallas gaff, Jack Wilshere going full English on monkey cunt and the rare sight of  entire Grove coming together which only happens on THIS particular fixture. I fucking love derby days.

I woke up this morning, looked at the scoreline again and couldn’t stop smiling. Positive expectations has been a far cry given our performances, or lack off, in the past few ordeals. My head calculated a narrow win, my heart cried COME ON ARSENAL and as usual, we conceded. 10 minutes in and Defoe took a shot that was saved by Wojciech but the pole couldn’t hold on and Adeayor helped finish it off. Anyone else, it wouldn’t have been this demoralizing but that cunt of all of them other cunts just make the sting worse. Like a bee poking his wasabi infused stinger in. Barely 10 minutes after his goal, twatnugget got straight red for going studs up on Santi. Howard, for once, thank you.

And that was it. If one needed an example how a sending off can change the momentum, look no further. It’s a bit puzzling because the cynic in me predicted a Defoe brace and he almost netted twice, thrice if you count the monkey cunt’s selfish attempt instead of making the ball for Defoe. But, surely you can’t let the performance of 10 men go downhill in sync because of a sent off so early on, especially Adebayor.

Jack vs. Monkey Cunt

I love our Jack. His ticking temper is a liability, no big secret. I was terrified of him being booked at anytime but watching him square off like that deserves a standing ovation. You can never trust the words of a professional footballer on “love” and “loyalty” for his current club but for Jack, it’s an illusion I like to indulge in just because he seems to push (aggravate) the perfect buttons. Szczesny too.

Happy Skippy Giant

The lovable giant equalized on the 28th minute from a wobbly Walcott cross, die prinz put us on the driving seat, Santi’s quick thinking of playing on instead of looking for a free kick resulted him squaring it to Giroud and he slid it in the net to make it 3-1. That man can slide anything past anyone’s net (cough) at this point, upholding his number 9 role brilliantly on his days. The fourth came from a brilliant Walcott – Podolski – Santi link up. A sight I would love to be more familiar with given they’ve had enough time to get to know each other’s way on the pitch. Only we know the feeling of being 4-1 up and still bricking it and monkey cunt making it 4-2 brought back those devastating memories. The fifth and final came from Theo lad, his 5 minutes of CF role paid off and as Le Grove would put it, pay him what he wants Arsene!

It’s been hard, the past few months. We’ve been deeply divided over the board, the management, the players, the wage structures ..but how sweet it is to have come together and cherish the fuck out of a proper demolition, a full hearted performance, a repeat of the same scoreline in matter of 9 months and yids walking out 80 minutes in.

How sweet it is.


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Ze German Night: Part I

I dislike international breaks just like every other normal football fan. Two weeks of absolute nothing, going to day to day task with a haze of disbelief. Your chain of thoughts leading nowhere. Is this real? Is this what life is like without the anticipation of a kickoff, or the stress of a pulled hamstring? What is life? And just when you think the realization of the dullness around you without the football fix can’t get any worse, Saturday happens. As if after being deprived off *insert preferred narcotic here* for weeks, you shoot yourself with a terrible batch of cheap dodgy bullshit that even Whitney Houston would refuse.

ImageWatching our lethargy laden performance against Norwich is hardly any boost going into such a big European night. We have Koscielny back, I would like to see a more dynamic Santos. It was painful watching him come forward so much in the middle depriving Cazorla off of producing attacks. Cazorla at the moment holds the key to our midfield creativity and having him cover for a “left back” is something we can’t afford if we want to win, comfortably or not. Gervinho is someone we can play wide but it has been proven this season that is not where he produces his best performances from.

As much as I have a “bring on the next match” spirit on after a disappointment, I am dreading what’s going to happen in a few hours. When the Champions League draws were taking place this year, I had my fingers crossed for NO GERMAN CLUBS, that’s how terrified I am of facing Schalke tonight.

For the ones who follow Bundesliga from a neutral point of view, you can sense how each of the clubs there has a strong threat factor, at least the top to mid table. If you watched the Revierderby, Schalke played the way Dortmund played last season and Klopp playing 3 at the back failed in an epic fashion which should warn us about how even the slightest gaff at the back can cost us. Huntelaar, Affelay, Barnetta, the Half Scouse Prince and if luck really isn’t on our side, we might see Draxler too.

As much as I’d love to predict 3 points for us with a strong chance of finishing on top of the group, this and Schalke away are the deciders and I refuse to be optimistic.

Do give Plaantik’s podcast a listen if you have time.

My prematch cherry yoghurt is on. COME ON YOU ARSENAL!

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Oh Santi!

There is a fear lurking in my conscience that if I get too positive about how we are at the moment, it will all go downhill. The pessimist in me keeps on obsessing about Szczesny making a rookie mistake to ruin our “unpenetrated” status. When I look at the games we had so far, the real test is this weekend at Manchester.
6-1 is as sexy as a scoreline can get and given that Southampton gave both the clubs from Manchester a good run, I was a bit wary of the saints, especially Ricky Lambert. They were quite defensive but somehow lost the plot and let an own goal in deflected from Gibbs. The score line had another own goal from Southampton which makes you want to put Gibbs in a more forward position just to see if he can flick it off, preferably say off someone as cunty as John Terry? Why not…twice in a match can’t be a coincidence.
The second goal though…madre de dios! A very tasty goal from set piece, Lukas Podolski firing it in with his left and it is one we will definitely see in his career highlight roll. Gervinho was played instead of Giroud and the Ivorian finally lived up to his stature (forehead mainly) with an amazingly powerful shot from a through ball which the Southampton keeper couldn’t do anything about. Gerva got his second when Ramsey came on and had a superb shot which hit the post and Gervinho tapped it in when it reflected right at him. Not to mention the Ox took some gutsy shots and came very close too.

I’m sure everyone remotely related to Arsenal along with Giroud himself were praying for his debut goal but after a solid attempt it was our Englishman Theodore who scored the final goal.

Delightfully enough, the highlight of the match was not the goals galore for me, it was Cazorla. Saying “he is a joy to watch” would not do him justice as there were Southampton players around him, multiple of them, who were left looking like fools when the spanish chipmunk shuffled the ball around on his own before dodging it away from them. The partnership between him and Arteta are looking more and more solid and it makes me giddy to think what we will have when Jack and Rosa are fit. A proper midfield surplus, options to rotate with players of such caliber…we haven’t seen that at the Arsenal in ages!

There was an issue about the Keeper situation yesterday and in my opinion people are daft to think Don Vito would be a better option. The only thing he is better at than Szczesny is distribution. The last few games I had mini heartattacks whenever Vito had a tricky save, because he gave me a reason before to have such doubts. Szczesny is young and has more polishing to do but he is far better than the Italian and Arsene’s statement sums it up why he is our number one keeper.

Looking ahead to the Montpellier fixture, I am excited to see some rotation especially using Koscielny after having a successful partnership between the Belgique and Friendly German Giant (FGG). Giroud. Must. Score. I really want him to get it there, his familiar ground, so when we go to Manchester in weekend, we will be on proper high. Looking at how everyone else is performing and how our back is functioning, for the first time in a long time, I am excited rather than anxious about a big fixture.

It will be Steve Bould in place of Wenger tomorrow night, how excitingly scary is that!?

Allez Arsenal!

P.S. All photos courtesy of Arsenal (Have Faith). Don’t they do a great job at editing?

P.P.S. I am lost for words on this.

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Here We Go Again…

This is the second consecutive summer where we lost 2 of our most influential players together. I imagine this is what it must be like getting kicked in the nuts. You hold on to your family jewels, feel like you’re between that area of life and death, the entire playground laughing at your helplessness…well every other football fan anyway. I wouldn’t know, I’m a girl. But my ratio of watching mates roll around holding their balls is higher than witnessing childbirths, so I’ll go with that.

I don’t want to moan about Robin. I watched the ManU game last night and turned it off when he started to warm up. Glad to see Everton get all three well deserved points but that’s that. The Song switch however is more upsetting than Robin, at least to me. Sure we’ve lost our captain and the man who carried us to top four last season, but Song’s significance to Arsenal and Arsene was much bigger. There was a time when he was an unpolished bit of twat, now as though it seems he is a polished bit of twat. The stories of him being lazy in training and giving the Arsenal staff a hard time has been emerging from everywhere and while it is a good bit of business selling a player for 15 million pounds after getting him for 400k, this is another “same old, same old” case of Arsene building a somebody from nobody and him fucking off the minute he has a good season. I just want to hold Arsene and never let go.

You’re probably tired of reading about transfers so I’ll get to the main event, first game of the season. What a buzz eh? Didn’t really live up to expectations eh? Let us take the positives first though. Szczesny didn’t have much to do after first 20 minutes, Diaby looked really well and gave me hope that if he stays fit…who am I kidding, Santi looks set to be a crucial part of our creative midfield. He played a full 90 minutes despite having played a useless friendly in Mexico and he didn’t look jetlagged at all. He was all over the place and worked really hard and I’m afraid of Arsene overworking him already. I don’t understand the negativity surrounding our forward duos, obviously they need a few match to settle in but madre de dios Giroud should have netted that!

Theo was shit. Gervinho couldn’t deliver to his expectation. We didn’t nick the three points we deserved. Same old.

Nuri Sahin is set to make the loan switch and Arsene has vowed on signing a defender before the window closes. Jenkinson had a good game and Gibbs look good too but one can’t be relied on for consistency due  to lack of experience and the other barely had three games in a row. I know we are looking into the option of Philippe Mexes but if Arsene won’t sign M’Vila over disciplinary issues, I don’t see Mexes for Bendtner switch happening.

I’ll leave you to it. I vow on blogging per match this season as well as taking fantasy premier league more seriously. What are the odds that I fuck up both resolutions? Heh.

Ciao for now.

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Will You Bite The Hand That Feeds?

Love, Loyalty and Ethics: those three words retired from the Arsenal the minute Tony Adams hung up his boots it seems. In my opinion the only other person who came close to being as great of a captain as Adams was Vieira, he sits in the ManCity exec desk now. Brilliant. Will it be safe to say they are the Arsenal 2.0?

Watching Robin uphold the responsibilities of a captain was inspirational. He kept the team together, he kept the team families together. He had an active role as a captain on and off the pitch. There was a great vibe in the dressing room because he worked perfectly as a mediator. I think we could all see him as the perfect captain, someone good enough to fill Tony’s boots finally, especially after the few outbursts near the end of season. 8 years he spent with us, this was his first full season and he was nothing short of magnificent. All those chants ringing around the Emirates, ringing from away ends of all the other grounds, those puns and memes flooding our social network sites are now taking a twisted form of mockery. There was a few rare occasions where emotions would pour out of the players as much as the fans, but that is extinct now. It is all about that weekly wage, all about that buyout clause.

The  illusion of all Arsenal players being arsenal fans is ridiculous and one a lot of us blindly believe into. You really think Szczesny and Wilshere are “Arsenal till they die” just because they express dislike for Spurs a lot? Arsenal is their employer. If you have a job with a great boss, decent pay, good environment would you ever leave? What about when you are offered double the money…100% raise on what you get now? I would do it. No. Questions. Asked. But I highly doubt there is a better opportunity in my country for a budding sports journo so I won’t defect off to the Manchester City of Bangladeshi daily newspapers (You hear that Daily Sun?).

Robin grew in this club as a player and he grew in this club as a man. The club had his back through injuries, through the legal troubles he faced and the fans were one goat sacrifice short from praying for his fitness. He means a lot to the way we play and he is the reason why we finished third even after such horrendous scorelines from time to time (August). He is 28 years old, which explains why he’d want to spend the remaining of his career somewhere else. Not everyone is Bergkamp, not everyone is Nedved, not everyone is Del Piero. Then why to a team in the same league? Why not Juventas? or Real Madrid? Teams with pride and glory. That’s what you said you wanted to bring back to us isn’t it Robin? It is not about money or the contract, it is about your vision to take the club forward differing from the club’s own vision. Who is the genius that sketched out your statement?!

The club issued a statement too which could be interpreted as they didn’t expect a statement out of Robin at all. Robin also mentioned he will go into further talking after Ivan Gazidis is back from his 2 weeks vacation to the USA which the Arsenal communication head denied (according to Arseblog News), which I find hilarious. I don’t want to read much into it but obviously it’s not all sunshine and lollipops between Robin and Gazidis.

But, what pains me the most is how ugly he has made this whole ordeal for us. Now that his desire of not renewing a contract is clear his value will be half of what we’d initially ask for. I like Samir Nasri a lot now, he didn’t open his mouth and frankly we got waaay more than what we would have gotten for a player whose contract expires in a season. Not the case with Robin though. Would you like to leave the club that made you the player you are? Fine. Sign a 2 year extension so we can sell you for 30 million at least next summer, meanwhile we groom our new forward recruits to adapt to the Premier League so we’re not in the gutters when you’re gone.

It aches my heart to see Arsenal fans use such words as “cunt” and “scum” to describe his actions. Personally, all I had to say is it didn’t have to be like this. It could have been a very civil transfer without ruining his relationship with the fans. I wish he gets what he wants and I can’t thank him enough for last season, and that 2-1 win against Manchester United in January 2007.

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Worst Arsenal Team Under Wenger 5-2 Best Spuds Team in 50 Years

Tottenham has been hit by an Arsenal whirlwind and has been blown out of North London!

It’s like I’ve been in an orgy with Ewan McGregor, Damon Alburn and David Bowie. Now all I want to do is shed tears of joy, scream on top of my lungs, hug everyone around me and spread cookies made out of rainbows.

May be the tea I just drank is drugged, but those were 5 goals under 30 minutes. Against those scumbags. In this horrible month of February.  Their first goal was a bit lucky, Saha shouldn’t have had that space and his ball was deflected. And I also blame Szczesny for not wearing a cap!  Can’t play football with eyes squirmed up like that ffs! (The very competent Mike Dean seemed delighted with that goal btw.) And then the Diving Monkey Cunt went down and the apple of our eyes, Mike Dean, did not hesitate to award them a penalty. My hands were around my head after Adebayor made it 2-0 and all I could see was downhill from there on. And it never felt so good to be wrong. As I started to go bald watching Theo lose the ball horrendously, he made a flick to RVP and the Dutchman’s shot hit the post. Robin was still laying there in the penalty box as I was screaming “GET THE FUCK UP”, totally unaware of the cross Arteta was about to make…and what Bacary Sagna was about to do.

I didn’t know whether to applaud him for that thumping goal or the fact that he beat Diving Monkey Cunt to get the ball. This is something I’d want Walcott to do. But I think, I hope I’m not right, that ship has sailed. Sagna didn’t bother with a celebration and ran with the ball to carry on, which showed how badly he wanted to stuff them. He injured himself on their crummy stadium after all, this was personal!

And then came that strike from the greatest left foot in all mankind. A world class goal from the edge of the box and the way he made the ball curve,  my lady parts started to fibrillate. Nothing gets a woman going like a nice, curved goal. As it stayed 2-2 in halftime and I had my legs crossed tight, the universe was preparing to give me the biggest orgasm since Czech Republic vs USA, 2006.


How fast is Tomas? He is so fast that he pre-assisted his own goal! You see how determined he is week in week out. Whenever he starts he gives his all, even if it doesn’t amount to a proper result you know the determination is there. When he comes on as an impact sub he really makes a massive difference almost always (unless there’s like 12 minutes to go, why do you do that Arsene?). I know a lot of people wants him gone and I’m pretty sure they still do. But, think about his performance without the goal (if you can’t remember here’s help). With a team lacking experience, would you really want a 31 year old guy, who seemed to have struck the fountain of youth, out?


That tiny little flick. That was the cutest goal I have ever seen!

I don’t feel like typing anymore haha! I have been smiling ear to ear for so long since last night that my head and jaw hurts simultaneously. He really needs to score and  most importantly he needs to keep playing like this. A friend of mine pointed out the “czech factor”, how Nedved and Poborsky were at their best during 31 to 34. Please, oh please, let this be the case for our Tomas!

Please tell me Stuart Pearce is watching!

So where was I, yeah.  After that, Walcott seemed to have managed 20 minutes of excellent football. Both of his goals were sharp-as-a-tack finishes and I wish I was his mum so it would have been appropriate for me to strangle him and go “WHY CAN’T YOU BE THIS SHARP MORE OFTEN!”. It’s not a tall fucking order. Finish every once in a while. You’re the protege of  Thierry Henry. For fucks sake!

Rosicky shot one wide 70 minutes in I think. And at some point Scott Parker got his second yellow for going studs up second time. That guy’s hair creeps me out. And he keeps on touching it! Eew!

And once again MOTM doesn’t mean shit as it clearly should have been Tomas Rosicky. Well, he is on the official site. So YAY 😀

Scousebags have their spirits lifted from winning the milk cup last night so we know our opposition will be beaming with just as much, may be more, confidence as us. Should be interesting to see how Arsene rotates the squad. You know he will 😦

I’ll wrap up here now. Naw I’ll do one more analogy! And a non vulgar one  this time 😀 At 2-0, it felt like a bad date to me where I accidentally coughed on him at first, then had my phone chewed by his pet monkey (see what I did there?). But little by little, it got better, at 3-2 it was that first kiss and it went on and on and on (Theo’s goals) and the whole world paused and I just wanted to high five everything around me. And then I got home, and 24 hours in, I still can’t stop smiling.

Bring on Liverpool!


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1 Down, 37 More to Go: Newcastle United 0-0 Arsenal

Alan Pardew  is a bellend.

I could pinpoint at the only interesting part of the game, the red card, but while I write this it has been over 24 hours since the match took place and Barton has been called a cunt well over thousand times. And rightly so. Barton has been getting away with unsportsmanlike behavior on far too many occasions. This is a man who should be in jail for mob violence in Liverpool, for assaulting Dabo, assaulting a 15 year old Everton supporter in Thailand, stubbing a cigar into the face of a ManCity reserve player and punching Morten Gamst last November. What I don’t seem to understand is how does Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney get grilled by the media for being sleazebags, which has little to do with football but a thug like Barton gets a “Bad Boy” sticker and that’s about it. Having a threesome with prostitutes or sleeping with your brother’s wife has little affect on the pitch, where it matters.  Off pitch anger and violence gets reflected on how you play football. There were some great passes from Barton from last season, I will not deny I enjoyed watching him and Nolan work together. But all that is obviously overshadowed by just how much of a cunt Barton is.

Song deserved a straight and I can’t stretch that any further. The first game of last season against Liverpool when Joe Cole committed a two footed scissor tackle on Koscielny, he was sent off straight away and Kozza was stretched off. We were sure he is gone for 6 months where he was actually fine. Kozza wasn’t injured, but he very easily could have been. Barton could have broken his ankle there (right now, I would have loved that). A malicious tackle cannot be justified.

But how do you explain manhandling? There was clear contact between Tiote and Gervinho. And when the penalty was not given, the game moved on and so should have Barton. How do you justify that? If someone picked me up like that and swirled abuse at me, I would picked his eyes out right there, or maybe just hit him in the groin. Would I defend Gervinho for slapping him? No, but everyone knows where he is coming from. Behaviour like that is insulting and that got him angry. I wonder whether if he kept his cool Barton would have gotten a card instead for sparking up a mindless riot midgame. Probably not.

The best is yet to come though. Barton accusing Gervinho of diving, even though there was clear contact. Then him going down in sheer pain out of what looked like a misplaced slap on the head. My dad is 6’1″ and weighs 98 kilograms and has freakishly strong arms after 25 years of performing orthopedic surgeries. A slap from him and I should be in the ICU. Yet, I just stumble a few steps and struggle to eat solid food for a week. That’s it. He explained after match that he “acted out” for the team. For someone so pretentious, he surely would know what hypocrite means.

As for everything else, as if there is any, I thought we looked woeful. If you take the “beautiful football” out of Arsenal, I don’t know what else is there. And now we have a team without Gervinho and possibly Song for the Liverpool and ManUtd matches.

The Cesc Saga is coming to an end as Arsenal has announced a deal has gone through via official website. I don’t know what this means for Nasri. I know he could go. Most wants him to. But as far as I recall, he didn’t want to sign because he wanted to wait for Cesc to leave so he would be sure of a CM role. Now what?

As for bidding goodbye to Cesc, I don’t feel emotional. And I think this was his plan all along. Last season when we were sure he was a goner I called up a friend at 2 am and started crying. I was not even drunk. He gave us a season where he showed how he was not committed or determined at all and was somewhat moody for a captain. The summer was a chaos and he kept his mouth shut and silently went on strike. Behavior like  that towards a manager who helped you flourish, who made you a captain at 22, to fans who loved you and dubbed you as Jesus kind of eases the heartbreak, makes it easier to bid him farewell. I think he wanted that all along. I remember how vacant and lost I felt the day Henry left. This morning, I feel relieved. I don’t agree with letting vital players leave. But I don’t like watching uncommitted individuals in my team. He gave us some really great years and it really makes me sad to see him leave, it really makes me sad that I can’t use “My Cesc life is Fabregas” anymore. But that is what he wants. I hope he becomes a great player in the next 5 years and when my gooner grandchildren talk about football I will drop “Oh yeah? Well back in my days we had this kid called Fabregas and we he went on to…”  I will miss him, but life goes on. Good luck to him.

Looking forward to the Udinese clash now. Oh dear.

À bientôt.


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