That Unfamiliar Feeling: Arsenal 1-0 ManUtd

I can’t remember the last time we finished a first half 0-0 with 70% possession then actually won the damn thing.

As I was fighting traffic to make it to a tv for kickoff, news arrived from that Cesc Fabregas won’t start. Apparently he hurt his thigh in training. Some gooners started mentioning “broken heart” but frankly that’s nonsense. If he was going all Edward Cullen over his ex he would have stayed at home finishing a tub of Hagen Das (which I do) while watching The Notebook (which Vidic does). Of course now we know his ex used to assist him with his outfits because yesterday he turned up wearing some ridiculous biker jacket.

On to the match now, we started off promisingly. Theo was brilliant and all I could think at the time was “PLEASE DON’T DISAPPEAR AFTER 10 MINUTES”.  He also had an excellent chance which was blocked off by Evra. Cuntbaggery aside that was some really good defending. It was all Jim Dandy until Vidic slyly handled (literally) a cross from Walcott aiming for RVP’s head. Fuck him. The ref saw that, the linesman saw that but considering it was Chris Foy and he is special friends with Fegie & Co. he just gave a corner. Foy also had 3 touches with the ball himself which led to Shevy & Macca at the ESPN panel admitting Foy has been the most outstanding player for United so far.

What changed with Foy in the second half is that his saw himself on the tv and realized it’s getting too obvious that he’s taking money from United in order to get hair transplant. So for once, he decided that he is not blindewrwfscvbrttttttttt – my cat typed the last bit.

Who's your Ramsey?

Arshavin came on for Nasri who apparently strained his hammy. But then he was right there by the pitch all showered up looking alright so I’m hoping it’s just pre cautionary. The goal came on 56th minuted.You couldn’t make this shit up. The boy who replaced Jesus yesterday, the boy who had his foot cracked into two chucked one in between Carrick’s feet and there it was. 1-0. To the Arsenal.It was incredibly emotional as he was a tremendous asset for us until the Shawcunt tackle and yesterday he proved that he still is. You couldn’t have asked for a better come back. Proud of him.

You manipulate the ref and I manipulate my tail up your arse. Capiche Fergie?

Djourou came off at some point with a knock and Squillaci replaced him which caused a lot of mini strokes. United increased their pressure just a bit and  I started counting every second out loud. Ferguson got all shouty and obviously tried to manipulate officials. But Arsene learned his lesson from previous encounters and had our very own Gunnersaurus marking him.

4 minutes of fergie time kept the entire Grove on their toes and as Foy blew the final whistle I received texts from chavs thanking me.

Evra said they made it too easy for us and they deserved to lose blah blah blah. That fucker’s mouth is almost almost as big as his cunt but he made me realize I much rather have the chavs win the league than them. A band wagon-ing manc scum awakens homicidal tendencies in me. A Chelsea fan, not so much. They can win the quadruple and they’ll still be the clowns of London.

We’ve got Stoke away next. If Ramsey is traveling there I expect a full blood boiling locking of the horns as we hopefully tear Pulis & his cavemens apart. Fucking hell, I hate Pulis.

Here’s to 3 more matches.



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That All Too Familiar Gutted Feeling

This morning it felt like I was back at High School after a night of embarrassment at some party. As if I got a little too drunk,threw up in front of everyone, slipped in my own vomit and here I am, heading to class trying my best not to get noticed. Come to think of it, I’m pretty good at this as I have done this six seasons. In a row.

The one big “if” from yesterday was what if Kevin Davies went off in the first half? Do you think the bearing of the match would have changed? At this point you can’t be sure as we saw our first team tumble against Bolton. Given the fact that Bolton only suffered 2 home defeats this entire season established a mentality that we would be lucky to get away with a point. And Arsenal has a sad set of history at Reebok bar that 2-0 down with 10 men then 3-2 win. Both the goals from the home team came from corners. Which sprung up an interesting fact:

Poor marking cost us yet again. A lot of people have been moaning for the last few seasons for the lack of top class defenders. And there’s another problem to be addressed, leadership. Mind you if Tony Adams was there he would scream and shout and make sure every one in the white shirt was properly marked. And they all listened to him. Cause he was terrifying. The sole reason why our midfield was so clinical before was because Adams was behind them and if they didn’t deliver he would have ripped them a new one.

Tough love is necessary. I have the Arsenal mentality myself. I do half arsed jobs. The only way I can deliver quality work is if someone abuses me. I’ve had people telling me “You are so talented why can’t you focus and finish!?” I had a look at myself, recognized my awesomeness and got to it,then stopped halfway. Do you know what works? When my dad comes to my face and tells me I don’t deserve anything because I am lazy and I am a waste of his flesh and blood and I’m probably going to end up like one of those girls who gets an arranged marriage at 22 with a wealthy fat guy. That makes me depressed. And then, angry and hungry for a significant achievment.

That is something our players need. They need to understand that while they get paid millions to do a half arsed job, away fans travel with their hard earned money and make sacrifices. I wonder what makes Theo work so hard for the first 10 minutes then disappear for the rest of the 80 minutes or until he is subbed off. Do you want me to bitch and moan about who we should buy for summer? No. Fuck that. Here’s what I would do if I had the privilege to be at UK. I’d be in front of the training center screaming and crying like a lunatic. Remember a movie from the 60’s called “Network”? It had an iconic scene. People voicing their angry rant at President Ford “I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore'”. I reckon I’d do that. I wish I could do that. I’m not in the shareholders trust. I’m not a member of the board. I’m not Arsene Wenger. I would be a tiny particle amidst a sea of other fans who would pay to watch what happened yesterday. That happened at Emirates against West Brom.

Let me ask you this, if you are mad just like I am why are you being, as that wife beating Collymore would put it, a “keyboard warrior”? If you have the opportunity and transport why don’t you head over there and let all your rant out in person? There’s so much a person can take. And let me tell you who’s the biggest sufferer here. Arsene Wenger. Do you think he told everyone to play like this was some office picnic?

The players have been outstanding all season. If there is somebody to blame, it is me. I pick the team.

As much as it saddens me to witness him utter those words, I can’t help but wonder why he holds back his purse every transfer season. It is crystal clear what we lack and he has every ability to splurge just a little and fill up the essentials.But then there is this memorable line from The Damned United:

The reality of footballing life is this: the chairman is the boss, then comes the directors, then the secretary, then the fans, then the players. And then finally, last of all, lowest of the heap, the lowest of the low, comes the one, who in the end we can all do without…the fucking manager.

A lot of fans can hold Arsene at gunpoint but the reality is the players are just as much as at fault. You can sack him and then do you think some charismatic fucker will immediately take over and win trophies if the players display what we witnessed yesterday?

Mind you if Bolton was Bangladesh we would chase the players to their homes until they deliver what we pay for. A determined team.
Four more games then it’s Emirates Cup.


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Arsenal vs. Every Other Team Since My Last Post: This Is God Punishing Us For Watching Porn

I find it hilarious that somehow we are 3rd in the league table. With a game in hand against Citeh. Wooow!

Since my last post, which was last year, here’s what we have done…

  • Drew Wigan
  • Won Birmingham
  • Drew Citeh
  • Drew Leeds
  • Lost Ipswich

I look at these results and I think “hey, it’s not that bad Ronnie. I mean look at you, still in the league race, CL, FA Cup, Carling Cup. You are practically still in everything”

Practically. I hate that word. I much rather get the fuck out of CL and FA now, win CC then either narrowly win the league. Or just finish second. Now you can call me a pessimist but we really don’t have any other realistic chance.

Look at it. Ipswich. Lost to Chelsea 7-0. Chelsea. We beat them 3-1. I said on twitter that the only way we can muck this up is if we underestimate them. Not only did we underestimate them, we practically went in thinking this is won.

I don’t like the slightest hint of arrogance when out players go up against lower league clubs. Because, arrogance would mean you have success in the recent years. No matter how much us fans defend that we are the greatest fucking club the world has ever seen, we haven’t won anything for almost 6 years. Please, get that through your head and play every game like your and your family’s lives depend on it. Which it should, but it doesn’t since you get hundreds of thousands of pounds a week. I’m don’t want to have a dig at my own men, but they leave us with no choice. I won’t even bother bashing Arshavin but at the best day this team can beat Chelsea. This team can give City a run for their money. Then what in the world went wrong?

Let me tell you what went wrong. Arsenal treated this game like I treated Economics Unit 1 in A’ Levels. I went in with just 6 hours of studies under my belt. Wrote my fingers off. Got an 85. Where I should have gotten a 95. Now getting 85 against Eco meaning winning 5-4. It’s a narrow A, your defense AKA evaluation points should have been more in depth. Arsenal got a 70 against Ipswich. Not an A. No good college AKA Carling Cup. Now, they have the exact opportunity like I do. Second Leg. In my case it was replay but you get the point.

And then there was Cesc. I don’t blame him. I know a lot of you have little kids. You know when they muck something up and comes up with excuses. “Oh dad I couldn’t finish the entire exam my pencils weren’t sharp I had to sharpen them”..” I DIDN’T LOSE! YOU CHEATED”.

This is what happens when you don’t finish the chances you get. We payed for it against Citeh. We paid for it against Ipswich.And now they are going to park the bus. Oh joy.

Here’s the upside, we are not Spurs. Yay. Our joy does not come from coming in fourth and barely qualifying. So, chin up.Time for me to eat wheat thins and go to bed.


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2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2010. That’s about 3 full 747s.


In 2010, there were 7 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 20 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was October 29th with 237 views. The most popular post that day was The Loyalty Test; Newcastle 0-4 Arsenal.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,, WordPress Dashboard,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for nasri chamakh, man utd, i am gooner, gooner, and rawr hear me roar.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


The Loyalty Test; Newcastle 0-4 Arsenal October 2010


Do you really care? Really!? December 2010


ManUtd 1-0 Arsenal : Foot…ball? December 2010


A tale of cards,a dodgy penalty,cuntbags & 3 lovely points – Salut! October 2010
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GET OUT OF THE WAY GREEN! Arsenal 1-0 West Ham October 2010

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Arsenal 3-1 Chelsea : The Christmas Carrol

It was 2 nights after Christmas

Twenty Seventh of December

I was cold and I was sad

I clearly remember.

I lost my little kitten

And wondered why god is so cruel

For all she has ever done is bring joy to me

Yet she lost the ultimate duel.


I sit here not to write

A poem about my kitty

For I am no Lisa Simpson

With hair so pointy.


I wish to tell a tale

Of a bunch of blue cunts

Who terrorized us all

With bottomless cash

Vodka soaked grass

And pulled cuntbaggery stunts.


Who remembers the last time

We beat these cuntnuggets?

Not I, For I am a pessimist

As my previous posts would suggest.


I sat in front of the tele

As Arsene brought his boys out

I sat there with a heavy heart

Wishing my dad would let me have a sip of stout.


The little Russian

The one that puts Koalas to shame

Was left out on the bench

Surely a twist to the crucial game.


The great Spanish captain

And the Dutchman,so fragile

Was looking pretty sharp

Focused and agile.


I prayed to god

I prayed quite hard.

I said, for fucks sake man

Don’t let them score in the first half.


And the lord heard me.

He said, Don’t worry Ron.

For you have Don King

Also knows as Alex Dimitri Song.



I uttered quite loudly.

My dad gave me a hug

As I shouted FUCK OFF YOU CHAVS proudly.


As the half time rolled I thought to myself

How good is Djorou  holding up

Guarding that fucker Frogba

And not mucking it up.


Second half came

I got a bit anxious

For we were up one nil

And it doesnt take much

For a thin lead

To bite us back in the arse.


And then the boys

In red and white

Struck again with all their might

The lovely Theo

Crossed to Cesc

And he did

What he does best.



Said I.

I was so happy

I could cry.


And before I could gather myself

The english boy struck another.

Arsenal 3-0 Chelsea



4  minutes later.

The cunts pulled one back.

I don’t want to blame Flappy.

Or our center back.


We edged close to Full time

And how nervous we all were

We hoped to stick another one

Possibly up Ashley Cole’s rear.


On the 88th minute

The Mozart came to town

And almost chucked one in

But the side bar let us down.

(plus he was offside)


And then it happened.


Santa gave the gooners

What they wanted.

3 fucking points, wish well granted.


The boys of London town

Thrashed the blue cuntnuggets.

Over 60 percent possession

May as well suggest

That the boys are not boys

They have grown after all

With victory though harmony

They are Arsene’s Arsenal.


To conclude this tale

I’d like to say

This win was for my little Taffy

I miss her so much everyday.

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Sepp Blatter is a massive cuntnugget (I’m bored without Arsenal)

I understand the entire Arab world being very excited to host the world cup, but a winter world cup? Really? Why should every league in the world have to accommodate FIFA’s schedule and delay their league games? May be Russia is the only league that will have no problem with this since they have no matches during winter..but it’s preposterous that FIFA would even consider a winter world cup. If they wanted a winter world cup so much they should have given it to Australia where it is cold during June-July. So they give the players a one month international break. Then what? They will come back and resume immediately? Playing in a winter WC will take a HUGE toll. It’s unfair on the players, it’s unfair on the clubs and it is unfair to all the football associations.Even after a June-July WC players come back in the league with ill form,how fatigued will they be if they have to start the league immediately?!

As much as World Cup is the “greatest tournament on earth” …most of the viewers get into the hype for one month. Then they don’t know shit. Club fans back their teams week after week,year after year,decade after decade. The amount of patience and commitment it takes to be a proper football fan is just as much as getting PhD. Especially if you consider the fans that goes to almost every away match. And this is NOT JUST IN EPL is it? Every club of every league in the world has them. So for one month,in order to cash in,FIFA will disrupt everything.And even before you utter”for the game, for the world ” imagine their greediness in South Africa,their hideous marketing methods that deprived South Africa from a lot of money.The host is supposed to benefit from all the tourists,yet South Africa barely escaped from this. It doesn’t take a high IQ to figure what this is all about. And I’m sure if the Sheikh’s spill some more cash, Sepp and his bored members will vote for a winter World Cup.


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ManUtd 1-0 Arsenal : Foot…ball?



So last night there was some football going on. I was unfortunate enough to have witnessed that. I was pretty confident that we could grab 3 points given that united has been pretty mediocre lately. Who knew we’d turn up even more mediocre.

The Arsenal we all know of beautiful passes were no where to be seen last night. We simply couldn’t keep the ball. When you look at the likes of Gael Clichy and Bacary Sagna, you’d think they’d have it sorted by now after being with us for so long. The midfield wasn’t much help to the back either. Alex Song? One tackle! He won ONE tackle in the entire match.Calling him a holding midfielder is embarrassing these days. Come to think of it, he was the most improved player from last season.

I know we had a lot of hope for Samir Nasri there, but yesterday’s game proved us again that you can’t win unless the entire team is committed. The only committed lot in that match were the away fans, out sang the utd scums. Proper passion. They should have been on the pitch instead of Clichy and Song.

Chamakh couldn’t finish in the dying minutes. And that was probably the only good chance we made. What’s even more sad is that even with that penalty, United had a max of 3 decent chances to score. That’s it. And they scored one out of a lucky deflection. Theo having a go at that reckless free kick in the end was just the disappointing ending we all needed.

It’s utterly heartbreaking that we couldn’t manage 3 vital points that we needed against a mediocre side, when we all know how ruthless we can be at times.

Arsene apparently said something about the pitch. Why? Why would you go right ahead after a defeat and say something embarrassing like that?

I think he should resign.

Kidding. Le Grove said that.

I should mention Rorschach Chesney there, the kid had a more than decent game. Made some crucial saves. Not that he saved the penalty though. I can’t tell you how loud I laughed when Rooney fired that way up the bar. After last night Almunia should give up on any hope he had & pack his bags.

So here we are, again. Vital game. Tittle deciding shit. Down the gutter.

Everyone else is now looking forward to Stoke. I’m looking forward to Chelsea. Our record has been shit against Chelsea, I would really like to see us gather every bit of determination up and win that one. We all know that even by losing to the big clubs you can still have a run at the tittle, unless you have slips. This season, we lost to WBA at home, Newcastle at home. If slips like this starts to be a regular thing we’d be lucky to finish above the Yids.

Come on Carling Cup!!

Au Revoir.


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