Worst Arsenal Team Under Wenger 5-2 Best Spuds Team in 50 Years

Tottenham has been hit by an Arsenal whirlwind and has been blown out of North London!

It’s like I’ve been in an orgy with Ewan McGregor, Damon Alburn and David Bowie. Now all I want to do is shed tears of joy, scream on top of my lungs, hug everyone around me and spread cookies made out of rainbows.

May be the tea I just drank is drugged, but those were 5 goals under 30 minutes. Against those scumbags. In this horrible month of February.  Their first goal was a bit lucky, Saha shouldn’t have had that space and his ball was deflected. And I also blame Szczesny for not wearing a cap!  Can’t play football with eyes squirmed up like that ffs! (The very competent Mike Dean seemed delighted with that goal btw.) And then the Diving Monkey Cunt went down and the apple of our eyes, Mike Dean, did not hesitate to award them a penalty. My hands were around my head after Adebayor made it 2-0 and all I could see was downhill from there on. And it never felt so good to be wrong. As I started to go bald watching Theo lose the ball horrendously, he made a flick to RVP and the Dutchman’s shot hit the post. Robin was still laying there in the penalty box as I was screaming “GET THE FUCK UP”, totally unaware of the cross Arteta was about to make…and what Bacary Sagna was about to do.

I didn’t know whether to applaud him for that thumping goal or the fact that he beat Diving Monkey Cunt to get the ball. This is something I’d want Walcott to do. But I think, I hope I’m not right, that ship has sailed. Sagna didn’t bother with a celebration and ran with the ball to carry on, which showed how badly he wanted to stuff them. He injured himself on their crummy stadium after all, this was personal!

And then came that strike from the greatest left foot in all mankind. A world class goal from the edge of the box and the way he made the ball curve,  my lady parts started to fibrillate. Nothing gets a woman going like a nice, curved goal. As it stayed 2-2 in halftime and I had my legs crossed tight, the universe was preparing to give me the biggest orgasm since Czech Republic vs USA, 2006.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THAT WENT IN!

How fast is Tomas? He is so fast that he pre-assisted his own goal! You see how determined he is week in week out. Whenever he starts he gives his all, even if it doesn’t amount to a proper result you know the determination is there. When he comes on as an impact sub he really makes a massive difference almost always (unless there’s like 12 minutes to go, why do you do that Arsene?). I know a lot of people wants him gone and I’m pretty sure they still do. But, think about his performance without the goal (if you can’t remember here’s help). With a team lacking experience, would you really want a 31 year old guy, who seemed to have struck the fountain of youth, out?

THE GOAL! THE GOAL! RVP PASS TO ROSICKY IN THE MIDFIELD! ROSICKY PASS IT OFF TO SAGNA AND GETS IN THE BOX UNMARKED! SAGNA PUTS IT THROUGH ASSOU-EKOTTO’S FEET! AND TOMAS! TOMAS FLICKS IT IN WITH HIS LEFT FOOT!

That tiny little flick. That was the cutest goal I have ever seen!

I don’t feel like typing anymore haha! I have been smiling ear to ear for so long since last night that my head and jaw hurts simultaneously. He really needs to score and  most importantly he needs to keep playing like this. A friend of mine pointed out the “czech factor”, how Nedved and Poborsky were at their best during 31 to 34. Please, oh please, let this be the case for our Tomas!

Please tell me Stuart Pearce is watching!

So where was I, yeah.  After that, Walcott seemed to have managed 20 minutes of excellent football. Both of his goals were sharp-as-a-tack finishes and I wish I was his mum so it would have been appropriate for me to strangle him and go “WHY CAN’T YOU BE THIS SHARP MORE OFTEN!”. It’s not a tall fucking order. Finish every once in a while. You’re the protege of  Thierry Henry. For fucks sake!

Rosicky shot one wide 70 minutes in I think. And at some point Scott Parker got his second yellow for going studs up second time. That guy’s hair creeps me out. And he keeps on touching it! Eew!

And once again MOTM doesn’t mean shit as it clearly should have been Tomas Rosicky. Well, he is on the official site. So YAY 😀

Scousebags have their spirits lifted from winning the milk cup last night so we know our opposition will be beaming with just as much, may be more, confidence as us. Should be interesting to see how Arsene rotates the squad. You know he will 😦

I’ll wrap up here now. Naw I’ll do one more analogy! And a non vulgar one  this time 😀 At 2-0, it felt like a bad date to me where I accidentally coughed on him at first, then had my phone chewed by his pet monkey (see what I did there?). But little by little, it got better, at 3-2 it was that first kiss and it went on and on and on (Theo’s goals) and the whole world paused and I just wanted to high five everything around me. And then I got home, and 24 hours in, I still can’t stop smiling.

Bring on Liverpool!

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Worst Arsenal Team Under Wenger 5-2 Best Spuds Team in 50 Years

  1. Great post. However, the ecstasy of seeing you spank your nearest and not-so-dearest rivals should not cloud the underlying problems at Arsenal. With the likes of Manchester City getting stronger season-upon-season and Spurs going strong a top four finish cannot be taken for granted for your boys much longer.

    I’m interested to see just how this season will pan out, and once the Euro’s have been and gone, seeing how Wenger (should he still be the head man at the Emirates) responds to the growing strength of those teams around him.

  2. Philou

    Delightful post (even though the part about Rosicky lacked some objectivity).
    Let’s share my feelings about the game. I was disgusted after the first (and then the second) goal of Tottenham because it was bad luck and not really fair but I was in the same time confident with the opportunities we created and the activity we had on the field. I was surprised though and I must say I was even more anxious at 2-2 (and even 3-2) thinking how a Tottenham’s goal would destroy us. Fortunately it didn’t occured.

    But I wonder, am I the only one who got anxious while everyone was enthusiastic after we came back? Is it a normal reaction of mine?

    • At 3-2 I was pretty sure Spurs were going to equalize. At 4-2 I was petrified because we all know what can happen against Tottenham even after being 4-2 up. So I doubt it. I think the reason why everyone was enthusiastic is because how we were actually playing, we didn’t seem lethargic, we didn’t give up at 2-0 and that was an omen enough to get all hopes up.

  3. Philou

    Actually, due to Rugby, I missed the game after our third goal so it relieved me of some stress in a hand but in another hand didn’t allow me to enjoy what followed the third goal.

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